I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
