Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
