just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
