Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
