everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
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