what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
