she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
