i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
