Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
