I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
