Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
