hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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