yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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