Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
