booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
