if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
