I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
