So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
