my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
