They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
