You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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