Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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