i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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