you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I did not marry a roomba.
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