I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize