I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Randomize
