Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
