Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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