are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
It's rum buckets o'clock
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
