Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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