Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
