Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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