pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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