Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
