I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Randomize
