Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
