i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Randomize
