i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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