My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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