I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
