Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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