i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
