Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
