if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
i am craving dick and cupcakes
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