I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Randomize