Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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