Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
