if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
