Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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