420 ftw
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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