my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Just cropdusted the office
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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