dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Randomize
