she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
