2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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