I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Everyone says I win the strip club
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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