His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize