I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
