Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
