in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Also, beer. Big fan.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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