don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
