My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
