I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
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