I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
