Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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