I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
