If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
she woke up with a sticky ear
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize