Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Randomize
