so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
that is very illegal...i love you.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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