Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I love how my cats smell like pot.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
