In the future we'll all be gay
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
