He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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