my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
