I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Randomize
