I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
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