I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
