1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
My butt remains clenched, sir.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
